Guess Who’s Back?

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Whoops. MEGA whoops. My little blog baby has seriously suffered in 2016. If you can manage to forgive me, I’d like to share some interesting news… I’m moving back to Cairns – for real this time. Almost eight months since the last Little Smoke scare I have finally decided that “it’s time”. And boy is it time.

I should probably do a little fill-in, just in case anyone ends up reading this (hi Mum!).

After deciding to stay in Sydney last October, my children’s entertainment job with the incredible Good Fairies absolutely took off. I was face-painting and balloon-twisting SO much during November, December and January that I thought my fingers were going to fall off. All that, along with my Christmas position at PANDORA, ensured that my rent was being paid and I was busy enough to not think about any of my problems.

At the end of January I realised that both of my jobs were dying down and if I were to keep making this work I would need to find a more secure job with guaranteed hours. Enter: my new position as a creche assistant (in the most amazing gym I have ever set foot in – free gym membership, woohoo!). This was a whole new ball game as I learnt how to mind children from six weeks to 12 years – cementing how much I truly love babies. They’re just so cute.

Everything was going swimmingly. I was loving my job, I was making the most incredible friends I’d ever made while in Sydney, I was going to the gym regularly (and losing weight to prove it!), and I was feeling happier than I had felt in a VERY long time. I’d even started doing private babysitting (and if I could tell my 16-year-old self who I would be babysitting for when I was 20… let’s just say I wouldn’t have believed it.)

Unfortunately this new found joy was pretty short-lived as things started to turn a little sour at work (very sour). I was unhappy going into work most mornings, I started to lose my motivation for going to the gym, I stopped sleeping as well as I had been… it was all very gloomy. Plus I’d developed some feelings (yuck! feelings!) for someone I really shouldn’t have gotten feelings for and that put a real dampener on things too. I could feel my mental health going backwards at a very rapid rate.

After being pretty miserable for a couple of weeks, I came into work to find that my hours had been severely cut. I realised I either had to do the job hunt thing all over again… or I could just move home, start fresh, and actually exist for something other than merely paying rent. So on my lunch break today I phoned my mum and told her I was ready this time, and it’s my own idea.

I told everyone pretty quickly – I figured that’s the best way to deal with a difficult situation: do it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. I bawled my eyes out telling my manager. She was the first to know other than my parents. Then I told my housemates, a work friend, an old friend, a new friend… Now quite a few people know. So it’s official!

I’ll do my best to actually keep you updated this time. (Whoops again.)

Let me leave you with this:

“My ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, eliminate toxic feelings, elements and energies from my life, unlearn negative and harmful practices and thought patterns, stop checking for people that don’t check for me, create a space for myself that is nurturing for growth so that I may generate loving energy for myself and for others and nourish my spirit and balance my energies. I have big dreams and I deserve to live a life I love and let that love radiate.” —Leigh Smith

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